A Creepy Halloween Email

So I sat down to read my email at the end of a long day filled with Halloween parties, sugar-high kids and costume parades, only to find this extremely long email. As I read, I new exactly who this was from, although it was "anonymously" sent. I couldn't believe someone would actually do this. What a CREEP! Just a day in the life of being single! How random can life get?

FROM: J Nice
SUBJECT: :)
DATE: Sat, 29 Oct 2005 09:40:44 PM
TO: emily.dent@nebo.edu

Emily,

Hi. I have no idea how to start this mostly because I have never done this kind of thing before. I am going way out on a limb here mostly because I have nothing to loose. Please excuse the ambiguity I could not think of a better way to do this. Every time I run into you I get the strangest prompting to ask you out, but I have ignored up it up to this point. Please don't thing me some kids of weird smarmy stalker or something it's not like that. It's just every time I run into you I always walk away thinking "she is attractive, she has a beautiful smile....You should ask her out." No I don't know where you live, no I don't know what kind of car you drive, and no I haven't rifled through your trash. I know you because I have a child that attends Brookside.

That is primarily the reason I haven't asked you out. I wouldn't want to make you un-comfortable that is not very gentlemanly. My child is not in your class anymore, but was at one time. They thought the worlds of you. Anyway that fact may preclude the possibilities if that is the case I totally understand. I don't date co-workers with which I work for a lot of the same reasons. Who knows you and I may have absolutely nothing in common...and since I haven't been rifling through your trash I really don't know a whole lot about you on a personal level...that was a joke! :) Like I said I think you're a very attractive woman and you have a great personality so I decided to go way out on a limb and ask. At least this way if you're not interested there is not harm nor foul right? I can still pass you in the hall and I will not have caused you any undue stress.

A little about me: I am no Brad Pitt but I clean up nicely...I am 34 5'11" 150 lbs, I bathe regularly, I have all my hair and teeth, no tats or piercings, I am paper trained and I can even do a few tricks...

I have a BS degree, I can't tell you what I do mostly because you will know who I am. I have a good job and make about 55K a year. I own my own home, I have a great credit. I am LDS and active in the church, I have a current temple recommend and served an honorable mission.

I have kids obviously and am unfortunately divorced a fact that was neither my doing nor my choice. Everyone has their free agency right, wrong or indifferent. If you are interested I will gladly give you more detail as that is an obviously justifiable concern. I don't talk about it a lot mostly because it's not the most pleasant of topics.

Anyway if you're not interested you don't have to reply back. I am fine with that. As I said, At least this way if you're not interested there is no harm nor foul right? I can still pass you in the hall and I will not have caused you any undue stress. I had to ask. You can't blame me??? Besides a secret admirer is kind of romantic...as long as their not rifling through your trash right????

At a minimum,, Have a really great day.


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I just have a few things to say about this...

#1 Who does he think he is? If anybody thinks this is the way to impress someone....try again.
#2 I bet he copied and pasted this from his online dating profile
#3 "I get the strangest prompting to ask you out..." Oh Please, really come on!